Misprision of a Felony

Bpt courthouse

After my husband, Paul, was dragged off by the Feds and arrested for possession of child pornography, his lawyer, Bill Westcott, told me that the government was looking for a way to arrest me too. I listened to this young lawyer tell me that the Feds thought I was possibly/probably/certainly guilty of misprision of a felony. Never having heard this legal term, Bill patiently tried to explain it, but instead, I mentally and emotionally left the space for somewhere else. Bill’s voice seemed far away and the only thing I heard was an unpleasant whine.

This took place in the early days and months of, what I refer to as, The Invasion. Even later, when I researched the legal meaning of misprision of a felony, the explanation didn’t make sense. It was as if the Feds had dragged out an obscure legal term to arrest me. I imagined a group of men sitting around, trying to dream up some way of incriminating me. They had to be clever enough to create some charge that would stick, so their jobs could be justified.

Bill tried to reassure me that even if they arrested me on misprision of a felony, it was unlikely they could get a guilty verdict, because Paul and I were married. I stopped short when this scenario was discussed. I was sure I wouldn’t be able to bear being arrested and need to prove myself innocent.

There were many steps along the way in this multi-year brutality that I thought I couldn’t endure, but of course, I did. I’m still here. I didn’t die. People didn’t shun me. My name never appeared in print in the local papers.

It was psychological pressure put upon me by those who had power to do whatever they wanted. After all, they represented the Federal government. I was the innocent bystander, the wife who should have known what was going on, but didn’t.

The Federal prosecutor and his cronies couldn’t believe I didn’t know about Paul’s illegal activities. They even imagined that I was involved with collecting and selling child pornography along with him. They didn’t know me. They only recognized my name, age, address and where I worked. The only thing they focused on was trying to discover how I was involved with him and his crime and how they could arrest me. It would be a bonus for them; two people arrested for one crime.

To the prosecutor, being married meant sharing thoughts, experiences, observing one’s partner and being aware of what the other was doing. Paul and I resided in the same house, but communication had dried up. We existed together, silently passing by one another, sharing nothing.

Before his arrest, when I attempted to question Paul about a photo I glimpsed, for just a second, on his computer, he would quickly minimize the image and deny that there was anything suspicious. The photos were never of a nude, and were gone so fast I could never really see what they were. I was more concerned that he didn’t want me to see the pictures, than wondering what they were. He would turn his denial into an attack on me, accusing me of being nosy about what he was studying. Studying? I couldn’t figure out what he was talking about. It turned out that he was studying child pornography, but for what end, I never found out.

In the April 30th issue of The New York Times, there’s a story about a man charged with misprision of a felony. It’s the first time I can remember this accusation being in the news. Omitting information or lying about things you know can put you in big trouble with the legal authorities. Where does responsibility for not stopping a crime begin and end?

I never considered that Paul was receiving child pornography. He never sold it, but did trade with a few other men who were later arrested on different, but similar crimes. It wasn’t until the Feds charged into my house and announced that they were looking for child pornography that I realized what Paul had been doing.

It was a tough time, but it’s over. I’ve survived well and have a good life. But whenever there’s a story that pops up in the news about child pornography, federal authorities or a term like misprision of a felony, it brings back the fear that held a vise grip over my life for two long years.

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/04/30/us/joseph-meek-charleston-shooting-dylann-roof.html?_r=0

 

Posted in federal legal system, Legal Threats, Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Another Burberry Ad

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In 1998 I was one of many women who read Anna Quindlen’s novel Black and Blue. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve re-read the story of a woman who is beaten and eventually leaves her husband. After all these years, I still can’t figure out why I became totally absorbed in this story. I was never physically harmed. So why the connection?

In every marriage, there are surprises as the years progress. The person I married turned out to have personality traits and interests I had no idea were present, in the early days. Most of the time changes in behavior and interests are all right, or at least neutral. After all, it’s positive when one’s partner is interested in new things.

Perhaps that’s the connection. We were both blindsided by unanticipated behavior. Quindlen’s protagonist didn’t expect to be beaten; I didn’t expect my husband to have a liking for little girls. The values we both held were betrayed.

While I find it abhorrent for men to be attracted to little girls, I also rail against advertisers who show photos of girls that tempt those who have a real problem. It isn’t good for society to lure out more potential pedophiles.

In today’s New York Times, there is yet another partially nude photo of a girl. It’s a full-page photo showing one the same girls as in earlier advertisements. She has shaggy brown hair and a nose ring. A small purse with a clunky brass chain is slung over her shoulder. Her partially exposed breast is next to the purse. No nipple, so it’s legal.

I wonder if my ex-husband has seen the photo. I know the dark haired girl with the nose ring isn’t his type ,but who knows? She certainly is somebody’s type or she wouldn’t have been selected by Burberry to pose in the picture.

Just a month ago, I wrote a letter to the New York Times objecting to the January 14th Burberry advertisement. No one replied. I’ll write another letter today, but don’t expect a response. There’s too much money involved and after all, no one has broken the law.

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Burberry’s Kiddy Porn Ad

Burberry-adcweb

My first reaction was shock, when I saw the back page of the January 14th New York Times Style section. After staring at the two girls in Burberry floppy coats over skimpy underpants, I realized the same-ole dictum exists for selling stuff. Sex.

I have no problem with real women dressed in sexy outfits or who are partially nude. But I have a big problem with models that appear to be under age and provide temptation for men who are excited by kiddy porn.

Every advertiser in the country, must be aware of stories that appear almost daily about men trapped in child pornography stings, arrested and shamed for life. The two girls in the Burberry advertisement were dressed to appeal to men who are attracted to the very young. I don’t doubt that they are legally old enough to model such outfits. Burberry would be careful about that, but they look years younger than their probable real ages.

I’m again up in arms with the respected New York Times for allowing a full page, full color ad of two girls in Burberry coats casually draped over their bodies, dressed only in panties. Why would we tempt the pedophile who thinks he’s going to be reading America’s foremost newspaper and there is an advertisement coaxing him to action that can only cause him problems, including arrest and incarceration?

A photograph, such as this one, reminds me of an alcoholic going into a diner, and upon glancing at the menu, doesn’t see sandwiches and chops but wine, mixed drinks and beer screaming up at him. He can leave the restaurant and go elsewhere, but he may find he is unable to resist the allure of his drug of choice – booze. The drug of choice for a pedophile is a scantily clad girl.

Shame on Burberry. Shame on the prestigious New York Times.

Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments

Thursday December 17th, 2015

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One of my fellow authors in the Fairfield Library Writer’s Group reminds me, at regular intervals, that “There’s not enough of Jane” in the piece I’ve just shared. “We want to know what you feel,” she tells me, with an encouraging smile. I know what she means. I often tend to write as if I’m reporting on an event. It comes from all those years of writing business letters to some man— always a man—about a contract or technical issue to do with airfoils or other parts of a jet engine.

There was never anything personal in such a letter. I certainly didn’t want it to sound as if a woman had composed it. I never wrote of feelings, of course, but also no descriptive words — just the facts. My standards of letter writing were higher than most of the engineers who attempted to communicate on paper. I would either correct their grammar, or cringe and let the poor composition go.

Today, I feel pulled to write about my fear for my daughter. I know I can’t write from a distance, because the emotion has taken over my being so much that my body hurts. Often, I push the distressing thoughts away. I need to keep my emotions under control so I don’t cry during a choir rehearsal or when I lead a business meeting.

Until today, I thought about her upcoming surgery about five times an hour. Now it’s more frequent. I manage to nudge such thoughts out of my consciousness because I have to hold myself together. Even so, I cannot stop them. I have a lot of work to do before Thursday, the date of her surgery. Too many people count on me.

Fear, Anxiety, Worry. I feel them all myself, but mostly for my daughter. When my emotions attempt to overwhelm me, I force myself to think of how this surgery will improve her life. She’ll be seizure free, her depression should improve and she’ll be able to drive. That alone will give her the freedom to go where she longs to, a job, to visit other people, to a store.The results of this nine hour operation, performed in an MRI machine, by two superb surgeons, should make her life truly new.

The incision will be small – only a drill through the back of the skull, to allow the laser into the brain. Her earlier surgery, performed five years ago, was before this new technique had been developed. This recent procedure has been done at Yale only three times before on patients with seizures, but I keep reminding myself that the same method has been used successfully in treating brain cancer. The MRI will more accurately pinpoint the location of the old scar tissue in her brain and the laser will focus on the smaller area that needs to be removed. If it all works out perfectly, she should be seizure free.

Thinking of this goal and how it really is possible makes my shoulders relax and sometimes a small smile creeps onto my lips. I desperately want her to have happiness and freedom to expand her life and be active in a way she now can’t, dealing with almost-daily seizures.

I contemplate this dramatic improvement, which I have every reason to expect will take place, but then concern about a possible bad outcome creeps into my awareness. Too much fear pushes aside the optimism I attempt to keep foremost in my mind and I inch closer to the precipice of panic.

As I think about my daughter, who I so hugely love, there’s no pressure on me to keep a calm demeanor. All there is before me is the time before the operation takes place. How many hours will I sleep, before she is sedated? How many breaths will I take before the operation begins? I don’t want her to read this until afterwards, so I’ll wait to post on my blog. I’ll wait until I speak with her in the Intensive Care room. I’ll wait until I hear her say, “Hi Mom” and curve her lips in that sweet smile I love to see.

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Hosta Seeds and Salamanders

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I stand in my garden and gaze at graceful grasses that shimmer in the sun. Droplets of dew sparkle like the ring on my finger. I gather paper bags and scissors and collect clusters of hosta seeds from stalks that still stand. Black seeds rattle against the sides of the paper bags, clattering to the bottom like bits of sand.

Pulling aside frost-killed leaves, now papery white, a fat, glistening salamander wiggles away from my hand. I watch him escape. I can tell by his size that he’s young and I think will have a good life in front of him. After all, he escaped from me, and I could have caught him.

Later that day, after blowing out dust and leaves brought into the garage by car tires and wind, I find a tiny dried-out creature. He’s delicate, perfect. No tire has driven over him. I can’t remember when I last discovered a salamander, and then two, in one day.

Cradling the salamander’s stiff, lifeless body in the palm of my hand, I wonder what he experienced during the time he was alive. I carry his desiccated remains upstairs to save for my grandson and glance at the newspaper, with screaming headlines about the terrorist attack in Paris.

The families of the dead are stunned. In shock and rage, France screams to the attackers, to all of us. Youthful Parisians scurry about, fearful for their future.

What will happen to us? Will ISIS win its war of terror? Will we, in response, kill innocent souls in the Middle East? Where is our world heading?

I much prefer thinking about the hosta seeds I will plant in a few weeks and then watch germinate under lights in the basement. Today, I’d rather contemplate the life of a salamander than worry about the danger that humans create that may change everything forever.

Posted in life and death, terrorism, Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Federal Agents Retreat from Initial Beliefs – Again

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Reality has caught up with the federal agents who were all set to prosecute Robin L. Raphel, a long-time State Department advisor. They believed that she had been spying for Pakistan and passing along American secrets to her Pakistani counterparts. As a result, agents were ready to pounce on her. For a year, the Justice Department was sure she was guilty, but in spite of such certainty, their information proved to be false.

This scenario is similar to my experience with federal agents who snooped around me for more than a year and a half, after arresting my husband. They searched for something – anything for which I might be guilty, but found nothing. There was nothing to find. I was innocent of every possible crime they tried to dream up.

During this time, I panicked every time my lawyer said, “The prosecutor is thinking of putting you before a grand jury.” Or, “You’re going to receive a Target Letter.” Or, “They say they’re going to arrest you.” Or, “You’re a person of interest.” My heart would leap to my throat and then slam into my stomach.

Always, there was the first threat that kept being repeated, which was that the federal government was going to seize my home. The child pornography for which my husband was arrested, was in the house, so that gave them motive to take possession of the place where it had been found. Like the seizure of a car or house belonging to the family of a drug dealer, it would have been gone and sold at auction.

As if to mock me, I was told that I could always buy my house back from them. It seemed as if the feds were just playing around, seeing what results they could get from throwing such a threat at me. Sleep was often impossible, as I worried about what was going to happen to my home and what was going to happen to me.

Agents searched Raphel’s home and her State Department office. They cancelled her security clearance, but wouldn’t give her any details of what they found or what they believed.

I had agents hunt through everything in my home, confiscate my computers and go through all my files. They took photo CDs that I’d made of my grandson. After all, he was a child and they were looking for child pornography. The fact that all my husband’s photos were of little girls didn’t stop them from taking my pictures of a two-and-a-half-year-old boy. None were returned. I was told that if I attempted to go through the procedure to get my personal items returned, they would seize my house. That may have been a baseless threat, but I wasn’t willing to take a chance.

I understand that when bad things happen, law enforcement personnel investigate every possible scenario to find others who might be involved in the crime. My lawyer often told me that they were just trying to upset me to see if I knew something else that would help them in their case against my husband. I knew nothing, besides what happened that day they invaded my home.

After all, if federal officers think someone is guilty of a crime, they aren’t going to pussy-foot around those who associate with the suspect. They don’t concern themselves with the effects that such roughshod treatment creates for family members of the accused.

I had no involvement in my husband’s activities. However, they thought that perhaps I knew something that would help them make a stronger case or believed I was hiding important information. After all, we were married; I must know something.

The argument sounds reasonable, unless you’re the one being investigated and threatened and your world is destroyed. I imagine that’s the way Robin Raphel feels as well.

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/11/world/asia/spying-case-against-us-envoy-is-unraveling-and-following-a-pattern.html?_r=0

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Personal Tragedies Compete with Public Tragedies

ChallengerAll possible sadness was sucked out of me because of sixteen-year-old Joanne’s suicide. She seemed to have everything, including a high achieving, yet supportive family, who valued education and encouraged creativity. She was my daughter, Susan’s friend and they both played in the school orchestra. It seemed unfathomable that Joanne would intentionally hook-up the family car’s exhaust to end her life. Her mother and father, the rabbi, her teachers, her friends — no one could comprehend why she killed herself. The rabbi spoke with wrenching anguish, wishing someone had known what demons she was experiencing, so that she could have been helped.

January 28, 1986 was the day the space shuttle Challenger blew up. Television and newspapers showed people crying across America, for the crew, but especially for the young New Hampshire teacher who was aboard. Christa McAuliffe had touched the hearts of so many Americans, as if we knew her personally. There was also grief for what many Americans felt was our loss of excellence in a new, technologically experimental field. Many thought we failed as a nation, when the United States Space Shuttle exploded.

When I heard about the Challenger disaster, I was at work. I felt resentful that this tragedy attempted to vie with my own personal pain. How could anything compete with the suicide of a sixteen year old girl, just nine days earlier? My sorrow was all used up and I didn’t have any feelings left over for the Challenger’s explosion.

A similar situation occurred with the arrival of Hurricane Katrina, at the end of August 2005. This was the costliest natural disaster in the United States, resulting in enormous damage to Louisiana, as well as tragedy in many other locations. The tenth anniversary of this hurricane is being marked now. Loss of life and property and the destruction of whole cities remain a horror and disgrace for those incompetent officials in charge. The slow pace of rebuilding in some localities is still shocking.

I sympathized with those experiencing this horror and followed the story, but my mind and body, less than a month earlier had been slammed in an entirely different way. Battered emotionally, and in shock with the entry of federal officers into my home and the arrest of my husband, I was unable to fully commiserate with those living in the wake of Katrina.

There was no way anyone could anticipate that the hurricane’s devastation could last for ten years. I couldn’t foresee that my emotional trauma would last almost as long.
My personal experiences of upset and catastrophe have pushed aside some of the empathy I might have felt about other disasters and deaths. I feel conflicted, in this way, when personal and public tragedies collide. I can’t begin to explain this phenomenon, but know it’s profound and real for me.

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